Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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