somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
