I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
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Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
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I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
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