i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
is wine microwaveable?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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