Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
