And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
COCAINE IS GR8
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
