I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
