I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
