am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I need water and some morals
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
