Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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