We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i think i have two assholes
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
