i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
