No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
