Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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