My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
