we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
