Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
do nipples grow back?
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