I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
