When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
