to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.