Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.