it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?