My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba