plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
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he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
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It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
This is classic penis vs brain.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!