your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
And then he peed in my hair
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