my phone needs a breathalizer
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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