dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
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