woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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