i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
This is my gift to your gina
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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