Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
