I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
