Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
