i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
