I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
