Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
