Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
