dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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