if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I could fuck to npr.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize