lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
My room smells like vodka and shame
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
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You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
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There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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