If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
