Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
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he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
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My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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