It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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