why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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