I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
