And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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