this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
