I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
