Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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