Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
