Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize