she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
