Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
