he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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