Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
