are you still at the devil's house?
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Randomize
