This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
