im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
