Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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