I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
