dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
