He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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